How I Came to Hold You - true stories of pregnancy after loss
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Collateral Damage

8/26/2012

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At 7:28am on 1 July 1916 - the first day of the infamous Battle of the Somme - the British forces detonated a mine containing 24 tonnes of explosives. Cecil Arthur Lewis, a Lieutenant (who later went on to found the BBC) was there, and describes the explosion:

The whole earth heaved and flashed, a tremendous and magnificent column rose up in the sky. There was an ear-splitting roar drowning all the guns, flinging the machine sideways in the repercussing air. The earth column rose higher and higher to almost 4,000 feet. There it hung, or seemed to hang, for a moment in the air, like the silhouette of some great cypress tree, then fell away in a widening cone of dust and debris.

The explosion from the mine created what was then the loudest man-made sound in history, with reports that it was heard in London. In fact, the crater can still be seen today. 

What this illustrates is that when something devastating happens, the effects are felt far and wide. And so, when a baby is lost, it is not just the parents who grieve.


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Dealing With Grief

8/24/2012

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Everybody deals with tragedy in their own special way. The classic '5 stages of grief' (scientifically known as the Kübler-Ross model) - denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance - look neat and tidy on paper, but the reality is quite different, as any bereaved parent will tell you. They can come all at once, or in a different order, and you can go back a couple of stages at any moment. It is an often long and always gruelling process; and it is important that the parent isn't rushed or pressured, that they come to terms with their grief in their own time. Note 'come to terms with', instead of 'get over'. One thing that became very clear during my work on HICTHY was that the grief of losing a child stays with the parents and family for ever. It is not a case of 'getting over' your grief - that is impossible - but it is learning to live with it.

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Behind the Scenes

8/23/2012

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I thought it would be a good idea to explain a little about how the book came about, a bit about me, and details of the seventeen lovely families I interviewed.

About the Author

I'm Ben Wakeling, a freelance journalist, author and award-winning blogger who regularly spouts rubbish on Facebook and Twitter. I've written a couple of humorous books on fatherhood and parenting: 'Goodbye, Pert Breasts: The Diary of a Newborn Dad' (before you say anything, my wife came up with the title!) and 'Teething Pains: How to Survive Being a Dad'. As I don't currently have a literary agent, and in the face of a mounting pile of rejection letters, I decided to self-publish both books. They have had some success - 'Goodbye, Pert Breasts' especially, having been downloaded over 6000 times and reaching number one in Amazon's Top 100 best-selling books in a few categories.

Whilst I usually attempt to be vaguely amusing when I write, I decided one day that I wanted to turn my hand to a more serious subject; writing for a small charity. After a bit of discussion I settled on the charity Sands.

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A Rolling Stone...

8/23/2012

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Just a few days of being live and already we have had over 650 unique hits and 100 followers on Twitter! Thank you for all your support. Together we can spread the word and help eliminate the number of stillbirths, miscarriages and neonatal deaths which occur each day.

Ben
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Gearing Up

8/19/2012

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In an effort to generate publicity for 'How I Came To Hold You' ahead of its launch in Autumn 2012, we have set up a Facebook and Twitter page. This will keep you up to date with progress as well as letting people and groups know that the book is forthcoming.

Facebook Page
Twitter Feed

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